Nurturing & Supportive: Enneagram Type 2 - The Helper
Continuing our journey through the Enneagram, let’s explore Type 2, known as “The Helper”. If you know someone who is quick to pick up on and respond to your needs, consistently extends a helping hand, and has a knack for making others feel supported and cared for, you might just be in the presence of an Enneagram Type 2 Helper.
As part of the Heart Center of Intelligence, Type 2 Helpers lead with emotions, projecting their feelings outwardly in order to seek connection and affirmation. Their go-to way of expressing this is through being nurturing and supportive of others. Helpers have an uncanny ability to perceive what other people need, sometimes before the other person knows and expresses that for themselves. Helpers pride themselves on being able to meet those needs, through direct action, wise counsel, or emotional support.
As leaders, Helpers excel at making connections and building relationships with their team members. For Helpers, leadership is an avenue to serve, motivate, and create harmonious, collaborative teams. They're attuned to what their team requires for success and are eager to support and can sometimes overextend themselves in pursuit of providing what they believe the team needs.
Type 2 Helpers Foundational Framework
The Enneagram framework for understanding personality dives deep into the interconnectedness of an individual's Basic Proposition, Worldview, and Core Motivation. Let's break down how these elements connect for the Type 2 Helper:
Basic Proposition: "You gain love and approval, and fulfill your personal needs, through giving to others."The Basic Proposition forms the fundamental belief or assumption about how the world works and how Helpers must operate within it. The basic proposition establishes a "rule" or "truth" that Helpers believe they need to live by.
Worldview: "The world is a place where love and worth are earned through selfless service and attentiveness to others' needs."The Worldview is an outward extension of the Basic Proposition and gives it context. While the Basic Proposition provides a directive for personal behavior ("I must be helpful…"), the Worldview generalizes this belief to encompass the nature of the world at large. It's the lens through which Helpers interpret their experiences and the actions of others.
Core Motivation: "People must see me as supportive and helpful in order for me to feel loved and valued."Their core motivation is the driving force for how Helpers think and feel, propelling them into action. Specifically, Helpers’ thought patterns revolve around equating their worth or value with how helpful they are to others. This makes them feel pride in meeting others’ needs, and resentment when their efforts go unnoticed or when they feel taken for granted. In response, Helpers are driven to build connections, actively help others, seek validation and appreciation for their efforts, and subordinate their own needs to the needs of others.
What Helpers Pay Attention To
Type 2 Helpers tend to focus on relationships and their desire to be of service. Their Basic Proposition, Worldview, and Core Motivation work together to have Helpers notice:
Other People’s Needs: Because Helpers are motivated to be helpful, they often anticipate what other people need and move into action, oftentimes before those needs are verbally expressed.
Relationship Dynamics: Given their deep desire to be loved and appreciated, Helpers attune themselves to the emotional energy in relationships. They notice shifts in mood, affection, and appreciation more easily than other Enneagram types might.
Validation and Approval: Helpers are sensitive to signs of approval or disapproval. Praise, gratitude, and appreciation can deeply affect them, while criticism or feelings of being taken for granted can be particularly distressing.
Given that “energy follows attention”, Type 2 Helpers put their energy into:
Serving and Helping: Given their belief that they need to be helpful to earn love, Helpers often direct a lot of their energy into acts of service, often going above and beyond what's asked of them.
Building Connections: Helpers invest energy in fostering connections, ensuring they are seen as indispensable, and maintaining closeness in their relationships.
Avoiding Rejection: To avoid feelings of rejection or being unloved, Helpers go out of their way to please others, even if it means suppressing their own desires or feelings.
While these tendencies help Helpers build strong relationships and support networks, they can also lead to burnout, resentment, and feelings of being unappreciated. For a Helper, growth often involves recognizing their inherent worth beyond their acts of service, setting boundaries, and learning to take care of their own needs with the same vigor they offer to others.
Relating With Type 2 - The Helper
Being in a relationship with an Enneagram Type 2 Helper can be a warm and fulfilling experience, given their nurturing nature. If you're in a relationship with a Helper or looking to strengthen your bond, here are five ideas to consider:
Express Appreciation: Regularly acknowledge and thank Helpers for their acts of kindness and support. Helpers thrive on feeling appreciated, so expressing genuine gratitude can make them feel seen and valued.
Encourage Self-Care: Gently remind Helpers to prioritize their own needs and well-being. Encourage activities or habits that allow them to recharge, whether it's a hobby, relaxation techniques, or simply taking time off.
Openly Communicate: Helpers can sometimes suppress their needs or feelings for the sake of others. Create a safe space for open dialogue, where they feel comfortable expressing any hidden resentments, desires, concerns, or needs.
Set Healthy Boundaries: While it's beautiful to receive their care and attention, it's essential to set healthy boundaries with Helpers. This not only ensures that you maintain your own independence and autonomy but also helps by modeling what maintaining healthy boundaries looks like.
Reciprocate: While Helpers often give selflessly, it's essential to reciprocate their gestures. This doesn't necessarily mean matching their acts of service but showing appreciation, care, and support in ways that resonate with both of you, ensuring a balanced and mutual relationship.
By understanding the nuances of the Type 2 Helper’s personality, you can cultivate a relationship marked by mutual respect, understanding, and deep connection.
Pathways for Growth for Helpers
If you walk in the pattern of a Type 2 Helper, personal growth is about recognizing your inherent worth beyond your acts of service, setting boundaries, and attending to your own needs. Here are five key development ideas for Helpers:
Self-Reflection and Intrinsic Worth: Take time for introspection and recognize that your worth is not solely tied to how much you help or serve others. Engage in practices that affirm your inherent value, such as meditation, journaling, or affirmative self-talk. Understand that you are deserving of love and care irrespective of what you do for others.
Express Your Needs: While it's commendable to anticipate and cater to the needs of others, it's essential to also communicate your own needs and desires. Build a habit of checking in with yourself and sharing with others what you require emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Set Healthy Boundaries: Learning to set healthy boundaries is crucial for Type 2s. This means understanding that it's okay to say "no" sometimes and that taking care of yourself is not selfish but necessary. It's beneficial to identify patterns where you might overextend yourself and work on setting clear limits. Check out our post on Setting Healthy Boundaries.
Seek Feedback and Address Resentment: Since Helpers can sometimes harbor feelings of being taken for granted, it's helpful to seek feedback from trusted friends, partners, or counselors. This can provide clarity on whether you're overextending or if feelings of being underappreciated are based on perception or reality. Addressing and releasing any hidden resentments can lead to healthier relationships.
Engage in Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that nourish you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Whether it's reading a book, practicing yoga, taking walks, or engaging in a hobby, ensure you are dedicating time for yourself. This not only rejuvenates you but also ensures you can be there for others in a more balanced and authentic way.
Incorporating these developmental ideas can help Helpers achieve a more balanced sense of self, where they continue to express their caring nature but also recognize and honor their own needs and worth.
Conclusion
Enneagram Type 2 Helpers’ natural affinity for connection and care creates a warmth and understanding that few can rival. Their ability to anticipate and respond to the needs of those around them often makes them the bedrock of their communities and relationships. While they may grapple with seeking acknowledgment, it's undeniable that their altruistic spirit, combined with a genuine desire to uplift others, truly makes them invaluable. In a world often hurried and detached, Helpers remind us of the power of heartfelt connection.
